![]() The five most powerful things we need as human beings are these: to be loved, to belong, to be seen, to be heard, to be accepted. When these needs are unmet our self-worth and identity can be deeply affected. We can then subconsciously attempt to fulfil them in other ways and they can become an idol of identity for us. In truth only in our relationship with the Trinity can we find the complete fulfillment of all these needs. Growing up none of us are ever perfectly nurtured by our loved ones, and we have defining moments in our lives where these needs were unmet and have stuck with us into adulthood. God has gifted us all individually and we all carry a unique toolbox comprised of a perfect combination of gifts, skills, talents and experience that we can use to express who God is to the rest of the world and to play our part in building his Kingdom. When the above needs are unmet and unhealed within us, our toolbox can become the means of affirming our identity and having those needs met e.g. the highly prophetic person who works the room until they are solely ministering to people, the person who is constantly sharing their spiritual encounters to prove their worth, or the prophet who loves the acclaim and importance of sharing their 'thus saith the Lord', or the one with the strong serving gift who is unable to be part of a team because they want full control. Their need to belong, be seen, heard and affirmed are found in their toolbox. While these people genuinely love the Lord, their ministry is marred by their woundedness and unmet needs. God never revokes the gifts, and he extends grace towards us, but his heart is also that we would truly know that we are loved, belong, are seen, heard, accepted and safe with him. It is common when working with my clients to identify younger ages when they got 'stuck' because of an experience when one of these needs was unmet and it has remained unhealed into adulthood. Let me give you an example. Five year old Susan was left at school because her mother forgot to pick her up. That experience left her feeling unseen and unsafe. Her mother may not have spent time reassuring and reaffirming Susan afterwards and simply picked her up, soothed her for a couple of minutes, and carried on home. This experience became a filter and a belief system within Susan that she now has to fight to be seen and safe. This could mean that she feels she has to be the centre of attention but within scenarios controlled by her so she feels safe. If something in her toolbox is useful for bringing her that attention, her identity can become wrapped up in that gift or talent because it meets a need that God is longing to fill her heart with. If you believe there have been some defining moments in your life where your younger self has got 'stuck', you can ask Jesus to identify them for you and to minister to that younger self, affirming that he is able to meet that need and that they (that younger self) can be safe with Jesus and grow into their adult self . (Let me know if you want more info on this process). One of the most powerful things we can do for ourselves is to become brutally self-aware. We all have blind spots and weaknesses we cannot see in ourselves. Intimacy with God and a teachable spirit go along way towards hearing the loving, still small voice of correction to get you back on the right path. Having trusted friends who can call us out when we get off the path are also valuable. Often our healing only happens when something goes wrong and we are forced to confront the wounds. My heart is that people would be proactive in working on their healing with the Father before this happens. Because of his great grace and mercy he also understands that we are on the journey of appropriating our true identity in him. He never condemns and he never expects perfection. He looks at our hearts and honors our sincere efforts to be a blessing to others. He wants us to know the power, the joy and the blessing of using our toolbox in a way that is pure from a heart that knows they are loved, seen, heard, belong, accepted and safe. We are his delight, his beloved, his sons and daughters created in his image. We no longer receive our identity or self-worth from the world but from him. We are healed, all of our needs are met in him, and he loves it when we chase after that truth and make it a reality in our lives.
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AuthorsFiona Dieleman Archives
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