I was 30 before I really began to deal with the low self esteem issue in my life. Up till then I had hidden it under aggressive or passive-aggressive behaviour. I was excruciatingly unhappy, with very low self esteem and no confidence at all. People called me 'strong' but I was dying on the inside. I had no real close, healthy relationships. Life was awkward and lonely. I was suffering from massive rejection, that was eating away at my soul.
I wanted to write about rejection because so many of us experience it to some degree. I want people to come into a place of freedom as I have (and still on the journey too). At it's worst it cripples the inside of you so much that you never have an anxiety free relationship. It's a terrible thing that causes us to isolate ourselves, and it destroys our self esteem and robs us of our identity.
Rejection uses lies such as:
'they don't really want you here (at this party),
'you don't deserve to be loved',
'people are always looking at me',
'people will only laugh at me if I do that'.
This is what it did to me for many years, to the extent that it caused me to make poor choices in my relationships. It is often an inherited issue in our life, (scientists have proven that these types of challenges are passed down in our DNA) but it may also come through abandonment and negative upbringing.
I wanted to encourage you today, if this sounds like you, that there is a way out of it. The most important thing you need to know is that you are loved and valued and have amazing things to offer. Begin today by affirming the goodness in you.
Rejection is Always Based on a Lie
It attacks your identity not something you have done. Any negative actions we take that are harming to ourselves or others often come from the basis of a lie we have believed about ourselves. Life long poor choices may be filtered through these lies which are rarely based on fact.
Some but not all of these points below, are indications you may be struggling with rejection. It's tough, but remember these are basically lies that have become a 'truth' to you because of upbringing, circumstances etc. Don't feel condemned if you are feeling this way. You are loved, wanted and valued.
This is a huge subject and I'm not a psychologist. I've written this out of my own experiences. Rejection is the 'lead role' beside low self esteem and lack of confidence, but often not called by it's true name or nature. It is my hope this blog will bring you some clarity and self awareness, and plant a seed for you to step into greater freedom.
Some of Rejections' Characteristics can look like this:
Helping Yourself to Overcome Rejection
I would be lying if I said it was easy. For me it was taking small steps of courage and discovering that I wasn't the person my thoughts told me I was.
Helping Others to Overcome Rejection
If you know someone who identifies with these points, the best thing you can do to help them is what I call 'loving them back to life'.
If you need help to bloom, then please get help. Perhaps there is a trusted family member or friend you feel safe with, that you can take off your mask with a little, and share your struggles with. Ask them if they will be there to encourage you and celebrate your triumphs with. Maybe it's time for you to search out a counsellor or a coach.
Just know that you are so absolutely worth it!
Take good care of yourself.