What's Holding You Back: Stealthy Self-Sabotage

For most of my adult life I have labored under a bondage of self-sabotage.  For most of that time, it ticked away in the background of my life and I was totally unaware that it was in play, holding me back from new opportunities and new adventures.  Growing up affirmation, praise and encouragement for my efforts happened rarely.  It was more likely that any faults would be highlighted instead.  As with many adults of my age group, this was simply a reflection of the environment our parents were raised in, and they did their best at the time.   However, what this led to for me, was a subconscious self- protection and dialogue that said if you step out it's going to be painful.  History has seen me go so far and no further in my efforts to save myself from failure, rejection, possible ridicule and disappointment.  At work I would excel at my job but once I had mastered it I would begin to sabotage myself in some way and eventually change jobs.  Even now, I am challenged afresh to overcome this stealthy enemy who wants to keep me back from my potential.

What Self-Sabotage Looks Like:
1.   Procrastination
2.   Fear of failure, rejection, judgement, ridicule, disappointment
3.   Fear of change and the unknown
4.   Allowing yourself to be distracted
5.   Making excuses
6.   Perfectionism
7.   Self-destructive behaviours
8.   Unwarranted fears
9.   Negative self-talk that lessens who you are, the gold in you, and disqualifies your efforts
10. Comparing self with others, ''there's always someone else who can do it better than me'' 
11.  Giving up before even trying
12.  Starting something new without finishing other projects
​13.  Choosing something lesser when being offered something you've always desired
14.  Foretelling a negative outcome before it happens
15.  Being vulnerable to voices around you that just want to pull you down and hold you back
16.  Double-mindedness, hesitancy, unable to make a decision
17.  Wasting time on social media or other non productive activities
18.  Listening to the lies of the enemy

Low self-esteem, past failures and traumas, and not fully understanding our identity in Christ can be predominant contributors to our self-sabotage.  But the good news is that our identity is not found in failure, fears and traumas - it is found in the faithful endless love and grace of a loving God who is only ever strengthening us and encouraging us along the way.  Most of our sabotaging behaviours have come about because of not truly knowing who we are and how God sees us. A good first step is to keep developing your intimate relationship with him, and spending time with him allowing him to bring you insight, wisdom and healing.  You may also need to get practical help through prayer, counselling or other emotional/trauma healing modalities, or even deliverance.  Some of these behaviours may have generational roots that need addressing. 

Identifying our negative mindsets and beliefs about ourselves is the next step in getting back control of our potential and our future.  I always say to people, 'catch yourself thinking the wrong thought, then tell your brain the truth it is supposed to know' (and this is always what God says about us).  Our brain is like a computer, it doesn't know right from wrong, so it will only spit out what is fed into it.  So changing our thought life is the very 'renewing of the mind' the Bible speaks of in Romans 12:2 Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.

Our confession is just as important as our thought life.  Our words will express what we believe, and what we believe is what we will expect, and what we expect is what we will manifest in our life.  Our negative words of doom and gloom are as creative coming out of our mouth as they were coming out of God's when he spoke and created the earth.  Declaring God's truth and promises, and your own words of encouragement and affirmation over yourself daily will help you to keep a positive perspective about your world and your potential.  Remember this is a journey.  You will have set backs and failures and mishaps along the way.  But God encourages us to get up and keep running the race.  2 Chronicles 15:7 But as for you, be strong and do not give up, for your work will be rewarded.”

On a more practical level set realistic goals and a determination within yourself to be disciplined and intentional about completing them. Self-sabotage can simply become a bad habit and a deep rut we have fallen into and so it will take some intentional effort to change that.  Look at where you are afraid of moving forward, or stepping into, or completing.  What patterns can you recognise through your life where you have wanted something but have pulled back in some way? What is the next step you can take to begin again?  Ask a friend to be an accountability and encouragement partner for you. A genuine desire to be free and to change will always be enhanced by God's help and strengthening if we ask him. 

Social media is very adept at getting us to compare ourselves with others.  The constant barrage encouraging us to be everything but our own unique God-created selves has become a powerful destroyer of our own potential. Limiting our intake of all of this negativity can only help us to keep positive outlooks and beliefs about ourselves.  Ask your friends to tell about the gold they see in you, write it down and alongside that describe the gold you see in yourself.  What do you like about yourself?  What do you know you are capable of doing?  What promises has God already given you?  What are the prophetic dreams and words you've had over you?  There is more gold in you than you think. 

Comparison is a terrible thief.  It tells us we don't measure up in some way, we're not good enough, somebody else has already done it or done it better than I can. It leads to fear judgement and rejection and cause the self-sabotaging mechanism to kick into action.  The truth is that each of us is unique - we each are one of a kind with our own special set of experience, skills, knowledge, gifts and call.  It does not matter who we compare ourselves with because because the truth is there is no one to actually compare ourselves too.  I recently caught myself comparing myself with someone else.  Yes, I could emulate some of the things she does for her ministry, but the truth is that she has her own 5000 to minister to that is very different to my 5000.  We each bring what the recipients of each of our ministries need at any particular time.  We are not in competition, but rather we can complement what we each do, or we are a piece of God's larger picture required for the whole body of Christ.  So comparing ourselves is really a pointless exercise that will only drag us down. 

So let's kick that self-sabotage to the kerb where it belongs and step out with boldness and bravery into what each of us is called to be and do.  ​

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