​Sin Isn’t Just Breaking Rules — It’s Missing the Mark of God’s Best
For many of us, the word sin carries weight. Heavy weight. It can stir memories of shame, correction without compassion, or a sense that God is perpetually disappointed with us. But what if we’ve misunderstood the heart of it all?

At its core, sin is not primarily about rule-breaking. The biblical meaning of sin is hamartia — an archery term that simply means to miss the mark. Not rebellion for rebellion’s sake, but falling short of the fullness God intended for us. “For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.” Romans 3:23

That word glory isn’t about God’s ego. It speaks of His nature, His beauty, His wholeness — the life we were created to live in union with Him. Sin, then, is anything that pulls us away from that life. Anything that causes us to settle for less than God’s best. Anything that distorts our true identity as sons and daughters. This reframing matters deeply, because it changes how we respond — not with fear, but with invitation.

God’s Heart Has Always Been About Restoration, Not Rejection
From the very beginning, God’s response to humanity’s failure was not abandonment, but pursuit. Even in the garden, after the first sin, God came looking. “Where are you?” Genesis 3:9. This wasn’t an interrogation. It was an invitation back into relationship.
Sin did not cause God to withdraw His love — it caused distance between us and him. Throughout Scripture, His desire is consistent: not to condemn, but to restore alignment. 

“The Lord is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love.” Psalm 103:8

When we view sin only through a legal lens, we miss the relational one. God isn’t standing over us with a checklist; He is walking with us, gently calling us back to the path that leads to life. Missing the mark doesn’t disqualify us from God’s love. It simply reveals where healing, truth, and grace are needed.  “I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.” John 10:10

Why We Miss the Mark
Most of the time, we don’t miss the mark because we want to do evil. We miss it because we are tired, wounded, fearful, or trying to meet legitimate needs in illegitimate ways.
Sometimes we choose control instead of trust.
Sometimes we choose comfort instead of obedience.
Sometimes we choose self-protection instead of surrender.
“Each one is tempted when they are dragged away by their own desire and enticed.” James 1:14
Yet even here, God’s posture remains one of mercy.
“He knows how we are formed, He remembers that we are dust.” Psalm 103:14
God understands our humanity. He is not surprised by our struggle. What He longs for is not perfection, but honesty — a heart willing to turn back toward Him.

Repentance Is Not Punishment — It’s Realignment
The word repentance has often been framed as something harsh or humiliating. But biblically, it simply means to change one’s mind — to turn, to realign, to come back into agreement with truth.
“Repent, then, and turn to God, so that your sins may be wiped out, that times of refreshing may come from the Lord.” Acts 3:19
Did you notice the promise? Refreshing. True repentance doesn’t crush us; it restores us. It brings clarity where there was confusion, freedom where there was bondage, and peace where there was striving. God is not asking us to grovel. He is inviting us to come home.

Jesus: The Measure of the Mark
Jesus didn’t just forgive sin — He revealed what it looks like to live fully aligned with the Father. He showed us the mark we were created for: love, humility, truth, obedience, and intimate union with God. “I always do what pleases Him.” John 8:29. And yet, even knowing we could never reach that standard in our own strength, Jesus took our failure upon Himself. “God made Him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in Him we might become the righteousness of God.” 2 Corinthians 5:21
Through Christ, we are not defined by where we’ve missed the mark, but by where He has perfectly hit it on our behalf.

Living Forward, Not Looking Back
When we understand sin as missing the mark rather than earning punishment, we stop hiding and start healing. We become more willing to let God lovingly adjust our aim. The Christian life is not about obsessing over failure. It’s about learning to live increasingly aligned with God’s heart — step by step, choice by choice, grace upon grace.

“If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” 1 John 1:9

This is not a threat. It’s a promise. Wherever you may feel you’ve fallen short, God is not asking you to stay there. He is gently inviting you forward — back into truth, back into love, back into the fullness you were created for.
You haven’t been written off.
You haven’t gone too far.
You’re simply being lovingly realigned toward His best.
And that is always good news.

There is something deeply unsettling about being in the presence of someone who speaks with harsh certainty, who pushes their opinion forward with force rather than grace. Their words may be loud, sharp, or judgment-laden, and even when they are convinced they are “right,” something in our spirit knows that the manner is not Christlike. If you’ve encountered people like this, you are not alone.

Jesus warned us that not all voices carry His heart, even when they carry religious language. And yet, as followers of Christ, we are still called to respond differently—to walk a narrow way marked by humility, gentleness, and love. Humility, from a Christian perspective, is not weakness. It is strength that bows. It is confidence that does not need to dominate. It is security rooted so deeply in God that we no longer need to prove ourselves to others.

A humble heart listens before speaking. It seeks understanding over victory. It speaks truth without aggression and holds conviction without contempt. This is the way of Christ. And when we respond to abrasive people with humility—choosing patience over reaction, gentleness over retaliation—something powerful happens. The atmosphere shifts. We are no longer pulled into striving. We remain anchored.

Scripture reminds us that a soft answer turns away wrath. Not because it appeases pride, but because it refuses to partner with it. Yet humility does not mean passivity. It does not mean enduring disrespect, judgment, or emotional harm in the name of love. Jesus Himself embodied perfect humility—and He also walked with clarity, authority, and discernment.
Which brings us to the tension many believers feel…

Humility with Boundaries — Keeping Your Heart While Keeping Your Ground

One of the hardest spiritual disciplines is this: keeping your heart right while drawing a necessary boundary.  It’s one thing to respond with grace. It’s another to remain tender when someone crosses the line into harshness, judgment, or control. Boundaries are not a failure of humility. They are often an expression of wisdom. Jesus did not argue with everyone who challenged Him. Sometimes He responded. Sometimes He corrected. Sometimes He withdrew. His humility never required Him to remain in harmful or unfruitful exchanges. The challenge for us is not whether to set boundaries—but how we do it.

When boundaries are set from a wounded or defensive place, bitterness can quietly take root. When they are set from pride, we may feel justified but spiritually unsettled. But when boundaries are set from a place of prayer, clarity, and love, they protect both our hearts and our witness. This is where the real inner work happens. Because even when our boundary is right, our heart can still be wrong.

It’s easy to replay conversations in our minds. Easy to rehearse what we should have said. Easy to allow irritation to linger and harden into judgment of our own. And suddenly, without realising it, we are no longer responding from Christ’s spirit—but reacting from our flesh. Guarding your heart means regularly bringing those emotions back to God. Naming them honestly. Releasing them intentionally. Choosing forgiveness even when distance remains.
-  Forgiveness does not mean access.
-  Love does not mean tolerance of harm.
-  Humility does not mean self-abandonment.
-  It means entrusting justice, validation, and outcome to God.

There is a quiet strength in saying, “I will not engage in conversations that become harsh or judgmental.”  There is maturity in stepping back without slamming the door. There is Christlikeness in remaining soft without becoming unsafe.

If you are walking this road, be gentle with yourself. Keeping your heart right is not a one-time decision—it is a daily surrender. Some days you will do it well. Other days you will need to repent, reset, and begin again. 
And grace covers that too.
The goal is not perfection.
The goal is alignment.
To walk as Jesus walked—humble, grounded, discerning, and free.

There comes a quiet but unmistakable moment in our Christian journey when what once sustained us no longer feels sufficient. The instructions, the advice, the well-meaning voices around us — they are still valuable, but they no longer bring rest. Something deeper begins to stir. God is inviting us to live from the inside out.

This invitation is not about becoming independent or self-directed. It is about becoming integrated. It is about learning to trust the life of God already planted within you.

This is the journey of internal authority.

What Is Internal Authority?
Internal authority is the growing capacity to live, choose, respond, and move forward from union with God rather than constant external confirmation. It is the slow, sacred work of learning to recognize the voice of the Holy Spirit within you and trusting that He is faithful to lead you personally.

Jesus named this reality when He said, “The Kingdom of God is within you” (Luke 17:21).
That statement changes everything. It tells us that Christianity was never meant to be lived primarily through external control, fear-based obedience, or continual permission-seeking. It was meant to be lived from relationship — from presence — from intimacy.

Why Internal Authority Matters
So Jesus did not come to produce compliant followers who wait to be told what to do. He came to raise sons and daughters who know who they are and whose they are.

When internal authority has not yet formed, we can feel unsure, hesitant, and easily swayed. We may lean heavily on leaders or trusted voices to discern for us. Our faith can begin to feel like something we perform rather than something we inhabit. Obedience may be driven by fear of getting it wrong instead of love that flows from connection. Many of us remain suspended in long seasons of transition, waiting for clarity that never quite arrives. But when internal authority begins to awaken, something inside us settles.

Decisions begin to emerge from intimacy with God rather than pressure from people. Obedience becomes less effortful because identity is no longer in question. Striving gives way to rest. We find that we can lead, serve, and submit without disappearing in the process.
Internal authority does not pull us away from the Body of Christ. It actually allows us to participate in it more healthily — grounded, present, and whole.

What Internal Authority Feels Like in Everyday Life - In Your Work
Internal authority at work feels like steadiness. You are no longer thrown off balance by approval or criticism because your worth is not being negotiated moment by moment. You speak with clarity instead of urgency. You make decisions that align with your values, even when they cost you something. There is less proving and more presence.
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In Social Spaces
In relationships and social settings, internal authority brings a quiet freedom. You can say yes without resentment and no without guilt. You no longer have to reshape yourself to belong. You are able to listen deeply to others without abandoning your own knowing. Connection becomes more honest because it is no longer driven by fear of rejection.

Internal Authority Within the Church
For many believers, church is where internal authority is both most needed and most challenged.
Here, internal authority looks like honoring leadership while still staying connected to your own discernment. It means receiving teaching without handing over responsibility for your spiritual life. It allows you to serve with love without silencing your own calling, and to submit relationally without suppressing what God is forming within you.

This kind of maturity allows us to be teachable without becoming dependent, humble without being diminished, and unified without losing our voice. Healthy communities are formed by believers who are inwardly anchored.

Internal Authority and Spiritual Maturity
Scripture connects maturity with discernment — with the ability to recognize what is life-giving and what is not. Hebrews describes mature believers as those who, through practice, have learned to distinguish good from evil (Hebrews 5:14). Internal authority is not instant. It is trained. It is formed through lived experience, prayer, mistakes, listening, and learning to respond rather than react.
It is how we move from spiritual infancy into embodied faith. It is how we learn to govern our lives wisely, live from sonship rather than striving, and partner with God instead of waiting passively for rescue.

Healing, Courage, and the Slow Work of Trust
For many of us, developing internal authority is inseparable from healing. If you have lived under control, spiritual pressure, trauma, or environments where your voice was minimised, trusting yourself — and trusting God within you — may feel unfamiliar or even unsafe. God knows this. He is not demanding. He is patient.

Internal authority grows gently, through small courageous choices. Choosing alignment over approval. Pausing long enough to listen inwardly. Risking trust that God really does know how to lead you. Each step strengthens spiritual confidence and restores integration between faith, identity, and daily life.

From External Faith to Embodied Faith
​Without internal authority, faith can remain external — something we consult rather than inhabit.
With internal authority, faith becomes embodied. It is lived from the inside out. It becomes relational, responsive, and rooted in love rather than fear.
You do not need to rush this process.
You are not behind.
You are not failing.
You are becoming.
And internal authority is one of the ways God gently teaches us how to walk forward — healed, anchored, and courageous — with Him.

The five most powerful things we need as human beings are these:  to be loved, to belong, to be seen, to be heard, to be accepted.  When these needs are unmet our self-worth and identity can be deeply affected.  We can then subconsciously attempt to fulfil them in other ways and they can become an idol of identity for us.  In truth only in our relationship with the Trinity can we find the complete fulfillment of all these needs.  Growing up none of us are ever perfectly nurtured by our loved ones, and we have defining moments in our lives where these needs were unmet and have stuck with us into adulthood. 

God has gifted us all individually and we all carry a unique toolbox comprised of a perfect combination of gifts, skills, talents and experience that we can use to express who God is to the rest of the world and to play our part in building his Kingdom.  When the above needs are unmet and unhealed within us, our toolbox can become the means of affirming our identity and having those needs met e.g. the highly prophetic person who works the room until they are solely ministering to people, the person who is constantly sharing their spiritual encounters to prove their worth, or the prophet who loves the acclaim and importance of sharing their 'thus saith the Lord', or the one with the strong serving gift who is unable to be part of a team because they want full control.   Their need to belong, be seen, heard and affirmed are found in their toolbox.  While these people genuinely love the Lord, their ministry is marred by their woundedness and unmet needs.  God never revokes the gifts, and he extends grace towards us, but his heart is also that we would truly know that we are loved, belong, are seen, heard, accepted and safe with him. 

It is common when working with my clients to identify younger ages when they got 'stuck' because of an experience when one of these needs was unmet and it has remained unhealed into adulthood.  Let me give you an example.  Five year old Susan was left at school because her mother forgot to pick her up.  That experience left her feeling unseen and unsafe.  Her mother may not have spent time reassuring and reaffirming Susan afterwards and simply picked her up, soothed her for a couple of minutes, and carried on home.  This experience became a filter and a belief system within Susan that she now has to fight to be seen and safe.  This could mean that she feels she has to be the centre of attention but within scenarios controlled by her so she feels safe.  If something in her toolbox is useful for bringing her that attention, her identity can become wrapped up in that gift or talent because it meets a need that God is longing to fill her heart with.  

If you believe there have been some defining moments in your life where your younger self has got 'stuck', you can ask Jesus to identify them for you and to minister to that younger self, affirming that he is able to meet that need and that they (that younger self) can be safe with Jesus and grow into their adult self .  (Let me know if you want more info on this process).  

One of the most powerful things we can do for ourselves is to become brutally self-aware.  We all have blind spots and weaknesses we cannot see in ourselves.  Intimacy with God and a teachable spirit go along way towards hearing the loving, still small voice of correction to get you back on the right path.  Having trusted friends who can call us out when we get off the path are also valuable.  Often our healing only happens when something goes wrong and we are forced to confront the wounds.  My heart is that people would be proactive in working on their healing with the Father before this happens.  Because of his great grace and mercy he also understands that we are on the journey of appropriating our true identity in him.  He never condemns and he never expects perfection.  He looks at our hearts and honors our sincere efforts to be a blessing to others.  He wants us to know the power, the joy and the blessing of using our toolbox in a way that is pure from a heart that knows they are loved, seen, heard, belong, accepted and safe. 

​We are his delight, his beloved, his sons and daughters created in his image.  We no longer receive our identity or self-worth from the world but from him.  We are healed, all of our needs are met in him, and he loves it when we chase after that truth and make it a reality in our lives. 

This blog is a little longer than usual, but well worth the read.  It is an extract from my self-development self-learning book, 'Marked by Passion, Destined for Purpose'. 
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​Beliefs, Behaviours and Defining Moments
At the foundation of successful achievements of our goals are our mindsets and self belief systems. If we believe we can achieve something we will do all that is necessary to work towards and achieve our goal. Should we come up against difficulties, setbacks and obstacles, we often see them as simply a temporary challenge to overcome and not a failure in itself and we press on towards our goal. They become learning opportunities which imprint in us ways to handle or overcome future situations in an easier and more successful way.

We can have obvious and buried or sub conscious negative beliefs about ourselves or ability to succeed and reach our goals. If this is the case, then difficulties will always confirm that negative thought pattern or belief in us and we will surely fail.  This reinforcing then tells us that we were right all along and so we give up.  
We all have both positive and negative mindsets and beliefs about ourselves and our world around us, and our ability to succeed or do well in our different life facets.  We may have very positive beliefs about our parenting skills for example, but very negative ones about teachers and the education system.  However, beliefs are not imprinted forever in psyches, but we often live our lives as if they were.  Our mindsets and belief systems can be changed.  This quote explains very well the hold and effect that a belief can have on us.
A belief is NOT an idea that the mind possesses …
It is an idea that possesses the mind!

Did you know that our brains/minds on their own cannot actually discern truth from a lie.  It is up to us to tell our mind what the truth of a matter is. Because most people do not understand this concept we often believe our own self defeating mindsets and accept them as absolute truth! (whether they are true or not).  Beliefs are not facts, they are usually an emotional response to a situation or circumstance that has previously happened to us, or the acceptance by us of someone else’s opinion (whether true or false), that we have taken on board as our own.  It may be a fact that you once lost three games of tennis in a row, but it is a belief that “I am useless at tennis”. The first is a fact and the second a belief.
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We have huge numbers of limiting beliefs and live our lives as though they were true without recognizing we are doing that. They limit who we can be, what we can do, who we can become.
Examples of self limiting beliefs/mindsets are:  I always get laughed at, I will never be able to run a business, I will never have nice friends, I can never go overseas, I should always be careful around men, people never like me because…., no one ever respects my choices, my bosses never talk to me and so on.
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The Source of our Beliefs
Beliefs are usually formed and imprinted in our sub conscious mind, usually, but not always, in our childhood.  A significant situation, circumstance, or comment may occur in our lives and based on our experience of that we then create a belief system or mindset around this and live our lives as if that were the truth. For example you may have always wanted to be a great dancer.  However, one day as a young girl, your Dad comes into the room and finds you trying to ballet around the room.  He’s in a bad mood and says something like:  ’stop that stupid dancing, who do you think you’re trying to be you clumsy oaf’.  A new belief kicks in that now says ‘I will never be a good dancer, I’m always clumsy’.  You never from then on put yourself in a position where your dancing could be criticized again. The facts are that you were a child dancing in her lounge, and it was merely your father’s irritable opinion that you were clumsy.  Any passion you had for dancing is now destroyed.

It is not beneficial to assign blame to parents, teachers etc for our beliefs. Normally, adults do their best, with their own belief systems, to educate us. Sometimes they get it wrong. But often it is not what people say that gives us our beliefs; it is our interpretation of what they say. In either case, apportioning blame has no benefits. Blame hands away our power to the other person and it allows us to adopt a victim mentality.  It is more appropriate to create self-awareness, notice the impact of the limiting belief, acknowledge it is a belief (not as the truth) and decide to replace it with a more empowering one.

Defining Moments
A defining moment is an important past event, often experienced when you were a child.  What makes the event important is not the intensity, greatness or the significance of the event itself, but the importance you have given it by unconsciously forming a lifelong belief or set of beliefs around the event.  Most adults have five to eight defining moments in their lives e.g. Julie’s partner got very drunk at their wedding and she formed the belief that her husband will always let her down at important events.  Another example:  James was told that he was a great artist by his teacher in second grade.   He decided that he was artistic from then on.

Once you have formed a belief from a defining moment, you hold on to it and search for evidence to strengthen the belief.  If you have created an empowering belief, such as James did, this is great, but if you have latched onto a disempowering belief you are in real trouble, because over the years you build up so much evidence to support the belief that it becomes ingrained in you and you don’t even think to question it as an adult.

The good news is that you can let disempowering beliefs go as we discussed above.  You can’t change the past but you can change your interpretation of the past, and you can reshape your belief to serve, support, nurture and challenge you if you choose to.
Answer the following questions for one of your defining moments:
How old were you?
What happened, who was there, and what was said?
What did you tell yourself then?
What belief(s) have you carried forward since then?
What would you have wanted to happen?
What belief(s) do you want to keep?
What belief(s) do you want to change and what will you change it to?
What will you be giving up if you don’t create the change?
What is one thing you can do to reinforce the new belief(s) on a daily basis?
 
Negative Sentence Starters
Often these belief systems or mindsets are preceded by sentence starters such as these below.  Go through the list and think about how often these phrases come up in your thinking.  Write them down, and then write down an empowering statement to replace them with.
I always...
I never...
They are....
I can’t...
We are...
I must...
They must...
My work is...
My time is...
My team is...
There are times when I...
Life is all about...
I love...
Success is...
Teamwork is...
Life is...
Family is...
Love is...
She can...
My parents are...
He could...
He is....
I am ...
They are...
I can....
I should...
They should...
I should have...
If I hadn’t.....
If only....
If I do this.........this will happen
If I try this.......this will happen
I can’t be a.... because .....
I can’t do......because....
I’ve always wanted to.....
People always notice me when....
I think people always think (about me).....

Changing Beliefs and Behaviours
Our beliefs and behaviours are constructed from our education, paradigm model, personal beliefs, attitudes, feelings and actions.  They are determined by the knowledge and information we receive about ourselves and our lives. Based on this we construct our model of the world - our paradigm. This model then determines our beliefs, which, in turn, give rise to our attitudes then feelings. These then supports our actions.
This is why it doesn’t work when we tell people to “not feel that way” or “not do that”. In order to change actions, feelings, attitudes or beliefs of ourselves or others, we must change our education and knowledge. This allows us to construct a new view of our world, a new model. This is referred to as a ‘paradigm shift’. When it occurs it allows us to believe, feel, behave, perceive and act differently.  Education, which includes self-awareness, understanding and reframing of limiting/negative beliefs, is essential. When we get an understanding of the reason for a limiting belief, we can eliminate it and replace it with one that is empowering.

The subconscious mind is simply a filing system which is non-judgmental. It only reacts to any negative event in the way that we have trained it to. It produces positive or negative responses to events based on the way in which such similar events and responses were filed in the past. These responses and feelings either help or hinder us.  The response is Pavlovian (after Pavlov’s dog). This means that it is a conditioned response that is outside our control. The good news is that we can change the negative responses and associated negative self-image, by replacing the files that no longer serve us with empowering beliefs that do.

How do we replace disempowering beliefs with empowering ones?
Persistent thoughts on any subject open up memory pathways or channels in the brain that become bigger and more responsive, depending on the frequency and emotional impact of those thoughts. Frequently we train these pathways (dendrites) with our persistent self-talk. We are encouraged to listen to our self talk, to notice how damaging it can be. We do this to create awareness, followed by action to change it. We do not do it to create self-pity, which has no useful purpose. This inner self-destructive voice has been likened to our “gremlin”. The negativity can be overpowering. It is great to realise that it is only our sub conscious mind telling us stories that it has heard and filed.

A summary of techniques used to place more empowering beliefs are placed in our minds are:
Affirmations, visualizations, positive acknowledgement, rational analysis, reframing, creating new associations (anchors), replacing it with a more powerful belief system e.g. what God says about you.
One technique you can use is to ‘catch yourself’ thinking a certain way or using a certain belief system and replacing that thought immediately with a positive belief e.g. using the example above, the next time you are asked to dance, tell your brain ‘no, I’m a confident dancer and I can do this’.  Yes, it takes a bit of courage, but sometimes it is as simple as pushing through at the next opportunity to break that cycle.

Write down your answers to these questions:
1. Which belief do you want to change? You need to be able to see it to work with it effectively. So write it down. For example, one limiting belief you might have is: “I will never have a lot of money.”
2. What has the belief cost you? Make a list of all the ways this belief has negatively impacted your life. Really think about it, because it helps to have as much negative ammunition to get rid of that old belief as you can get. Spend some time; it might even take a couple of days to get a complete list.
3. What advantages has the belief provided you? Maybe believing that you could never be wealthy has allowed you to avoid taking risks. Or perhaps it has allowed you to work at a profession that’s easy for you. It might be hard to figure out what the advantages are, but they are there.
4. What new belief would you like to have as a replacement? For example, for the belief listed above, a new replacement might be: “I can make any amount of money I set my mind to.” Be thoughtful and develop a new belief that will serve you well in the future.
5. How is the new belief better than the old belief? Come up with an emotionally charged list of ways in which the new belief will impact your life for the better. Consider how you would feel. What could you become? How would your lifestyle change? Would it help other people around you?
6. How can you start demonstrating the new belief today? Following our wealth-theme, it might not be the right time to plan the interior of your private jet just yet. What could you do right now? Make a plan to make more money? Start looking for a better paying job? Look for ways to invest the money you already have? Even a small change can help the process.  (sources Transform Your World, Pathfinder Programme)

Brain Washing?
Some people become concerned and frightened by the thought of replacing their current negative beliefs with others. Their fear is that they will lose their identity. This does not happen. Our identity is more related to our values in life than our beliefs and consequent behaviours.
We must remember that a belief is only sustained by the knowledge and information that create it. If we change the information, we change the belief. So, if we believe we are no good because our Mum/Dad told us repeatedly that we were useless and we now see that she/he did this to challenge and encourage us (even though it didn’t), then why not replace it with affirmations telling our mind that we are Wonderful, Amazing, and Brilliant? 

The alternative is to stay stuck with a limiting belief that could also be regarded as brainwashing. Why not have joy and happiness rather than disempowerment, resentment, frustration and anger? Changing your belief systems will literally change your life.  Obstacles and fears that have long stopped you from living a fulfilled life can be defeated.  New opportunities will open up to you and you will achieve goals more easily and often.