JOURNEY THROUGH OFFENCE

Our testimonies are stories of triumph over adversity of some kind. Working our way through offence can be one of the most challenging triumphs to achieve so sharing our stories with others often brings hope that you too can have the same triumph in your daily life. So here is one of my stories about journeying through offence. ​

A friend confronted me one day about the way I was speaking and behaving in a certain situation. It was done in a very direct way but without anger or unkindness. I didn’t have a problem with what I was being challenged about and I must say here, that I am not normally a person who is very easily offended, in fact it is rare for be to be so, and I believe that it is right that we can be appropriately held accountable for our actions by others.

What opened the door for the enemy to try and bring offence to me was the circumstances in which I was addressed. This conversation took place in front of others. I was not invited to have a private conversation regarding the issue and thus afforded an opportunity to go away and seek the Lord about what was said to me. I felt like I had been put on trial and had to defend myself there and then. It was belittling, dishonoring and embarrassing. I had no control over the process because to get up and walk out would have been taken the wrong way.

For the next two weeks I battled to keep myself from coming under an onslaught from the enemy calling me into offence, division, gossip and strife. I cried, I prayed, I questioned the Lord for understanding, I spoke out words of victory, affirmation and forgiveness over this situation. I tried my darndest to stay in the opposite spirit of what the enemy was trying to bring. The irony of this situation is that the very thing I was being confronted about, that person was doing to me at that very moment.

THESE ARE SOME OF THE STEPS I WORKED THROUGH:

• Were the comments from them justified? Did my behaviour need to change? The answer to both was yes, regardless of the injustice I felt at them doing the same thing to me. I apologised at the time but apologised again at a later date when I felt more emotionally in control.
• What was God wanting me to learn from this about him, about myself, about relationships? The biggest thing I learnt from this is that unity is important and so is humility. Although the person had the right to address this issue with me, it was also an attack from the enemy to destroy my relationship with this person. I had to stay in humility to preserve that relationship because the bigger picture is so much more important than my temporary discomfort. What did I learn about myself? That there was still a place of insecurity in me that caused me to behave in a certain way, and that I was comparing myself with this person because I admired a strength that they had. I repented of both these and asked God to bring healing and correction to those areas.
• What is the correct way for me to respond to this situation? After checking in with the Lord I did not feel to raise the issue or the way in which it was done with the other person again. Sometimes we can feel that we are doing the right thing and be unaware of our own weaknesses and vulnerabilities. It is not always the right time to address this with the other person. The most important thing was to respond with love and grace, forgive, move in the opposite spirit, stay in humility and preserve unity.
• I also felt it was really important not to discuss it with others I didn’t need to. I only spoke to a very close friend who lives in another town in order to gain some objectivity around the matter. She was also able to pray with me. When we discuss situations like this with others who may know the person involved, we can alter their perception of that person and bring a breach in their relationship with them. This is why gossip is so dangerous. It changes the way we look at the person from then on.
• I was very aware that there was an opportunity here for me to grow emotionally. Had I chosen to respond other than the way I did, I would have shut down or slowed down what God was doing in my life and those around me (the bigger picture). The Fruit of the Spirit are emotional structures that are limitless, expand us and take us into heaven’s dimensions and we should proactively engage with them rather than negativity. It is about choosing the Tree of Life and what leaves the way open for God to move.

This issue has taught me much about moving in God’s love and grace towards people. There is still a trace of wounding I am dealing with, but I hold no offence and our relationship is strengthening. I’m sure there are aspects to all of this I may still not understand, and much I will continue to learn from it. I praise God for it. He knew this situation was going to occur and He allowed it to test me.

Just to make sure I had journeyed into a good place through this, two weeks later the person concerned again did the very thing they had confronted me about. The reality is that we all have our blind spots and do and say things we shouldn’t. Some of it is just the ebb and flow of conversation and what is happening around us at the time. There is much we can overlook in people. We don’t have to take offence at every little thing, but instead extend grace and love and respond in a way that empowers everybody.